Recently one of my friends sent me an article about developing a meaningful sex life with your spouse. The article suggested the usual things like treating your spouse well, providing support, be kind, loving, and build them up. The article concluded by suggesting that a man needs to get in touch with his “feminine side” to truly connect with his spouse. This key ingredient is where men become confused. Most men are clueless what their “feminine side” is, let alone get in tune with it.

Men often complain about not having enough affection in relationships. They report feeling like they have to jump through hoops with their spouse to get more affection. On the other hand, most spouses relate that they just don’t feel close with their husbands. They desire quality time, which is described as spending time talking and being romantic. The men complain that they would try to do what was requested, but still not getting affection. Most men become frustrated and conclude their spouse has serious “hang ups” with their physical expressions.

The fact is you can be nice, kind and “romantic” with your spouse, but if you are missing the ability to emotionally connect, you will be just going through the motions to get sex, which is a turn off for partners.

So if the key ingredient to having more affection in your relationship is emotionally connecting with yourselves and others, just how does one develop this skill? and Why are men missing this ingredient? The problem lies in society expecting a man to be strong, self reliant and not let emotions get the best of you. Men block their emotional sides so they can be perceived as strong.

It’s not just the expression of sadness that men hold back. We stop ourselves from feeling many areas in ourselves, so we can be perceived as strong and “manly.” When a man learns to get back his emotional side as an adult, a spouse responds with closeness and affection. His children feel a difference and respond with more love and affection.

It is difficult for a man to become emotionally connected, as he needs mentors who have a solid emotional side as well as a strong back bone. This is what I call true masculinity. True Brotherhood men are in tuned with both their masculine and feminine sides. We as an organization desire to mentor other men so they can learn this key ingredient, which will bring a deep closeness with their spouse and children.

The following steps will help you get back your emotional side. Read through them, practice the exercises, but remember, you will need another male who has walked this path to truly achieve emotional connection.

1. Become aware of the messages that were given you by parents and society.  One man reported his father would greet the little sister with a hug, but with him he would just get a pat on the head.  There are many messages like these that have been absorbed by all of us, which makes us bury needs and feelings.
2. Begin to change ones beliefs regarding feelings.  Men who feel are more attractive. Try sharing your true feelings with those you trust.  Ask yourself what you feel in the moment, and admit this to yourself. Once you own the feelings, try to be vulnerable and share with others.
3. Connect with mentors who will provide a safe place to express emotions and feelings. Joining men groups like True Brotherhood is a great way to be on the path to developing your feeling side.  You will find that the strongest men, are the ones in touch with their feelings and express them.
4. Take time to feel all of your senses. Pick a day when you focus on smell. Try to take in the sweet aroma of a restaurant when you pass. Imagine what kind of foods you would like for dinner.  Take another day and touch things with your hands. See what feels good, and what doesn’t.  Farmers will say they can take a handful of dirt, smell it, and know what additional nutrients are needed.
5. Begin to explore the feminine or what is called your yin side.  We need a balance of our yin and yang or feminine and masculine sides.  You will need to ask what did your family or society teach you about these sides?. Have you stopped laughing or dancing because it’s not “masculine”?  Most men down deep wish they could dance. Dance instructors will say all men can learn to dance.  Watch the movie ‘Shall we dance’. Richard Gere secretly takes dance lessons from Jennifer Lopez. He enjoys himself, and progresses to be a good dancer. His wife, after getting over the shock and fear that he was having an affair, truly enjoys this new man.
6. Take time to experience your children. Go in and sit on their beds when they are sleeping. Take their little hands in yours, and feel how much you love them.  Give hugs and let them know how much you love them.

Practicing these steps and seeking out a mentor, who has walked the path, will help you develop deeper relationships. This is what True Brotherhood is all about. Contact True Brotherhood to get started. It will be life changing for you, your spouse, and your children.