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Daniel Cox, the director of the Survey Center on American Life recently found that younger men are struggling the most to make friends. Younger men are more likely to talk about their problems with their parents rather than their friends. He also found that single men are struggling the most to make friends even though they need them the most. He goes on to say that male friendship recession he feels is tied to weakening ties to community institutions like church, the changing nature of work, and the fact many men are spending more and more time with their families.

In the past men have relied on activities such as sports to gain friendships. Since covid there is less opportunity to interact with other men. The loneliness in men I’m sure is increasing. I have looked at the problems with regular friendships with men. These friendships are based on being involved with other men doing activities. One men’s group which has had over 20 men attend during the past year, seldom keep a friendship with each other when someone drops out, as the relationship was dependent on meeting weekly. Once attendance stops they don’t keep in touch with one another. This lack of connection following an activity ending is what I feel is the lack of real connection with one another. This must change.

The new friendships we have in True Brotherhood is not based on doing sports or other activities. We share deeply what’s truly going on inside us. Sharing personal things, spiritual growth, dreams, hopes desires, and fears truly is what makes deep friendships. Rather than having competition, rivalry and social status, we work towards cooperation, personal honesty and emotional sharing. Real closeness is achieved by opening up. Friendships that are real, authentic and honest with oneself and with others. All human emotions, from joy to despair, from tenderness to toughness are deeply important. Trust and vulnerability are essential in building friendships with each other. Openness, availability, clarity, and connection are consciously fostered. Giving each other appreciation and affection is expressed. The key to achieving a deep friendship is to keep making an effort to draw close to one another.

There are many roadblocks to achieving this type of closeness. Here are a few:

  • Most men have difficulty forming close male friendships as they had no role model
  • Men are raised to be independent, autonomous and competitive.
  • Men believe that their relationship needs should be met by a partner.
  • Most men were not emotionally connected with a father which effects his emotional life with other men.
  • Demands of work life and family.
  • A man’s significant other may be threatened by a closer friendship with others.
  • Fear of looking or feeling “gay”.

It takes effort to get though these blocks. Here are some signs that you are achieving a deeper friendship with others.

  • You know everything about your friend and he knows you.
  • It’s easy to shed tears as you feel safe.
  • You know if you needed him he would be there.
  • Each of you are willing to sacrifice for the other.
  • You both have each others backs.
  • You know each others secrets.
  • You feel safe to express love and affection.
  • You miss them when you are away.
  • When conflicts arise you both make effort to resolve the problem.
  • Your spouse and children are drawn to you because you have changed.
  • You feel a deeper love and tenderness for all living things.

Achieving true brotherhood takes effort. Samuel Levinson wrote “that close friendships with a man or woman is rarely experienced by men. In general, most men do not have an intimate friend.” It’s time to change this, and create a new type of friendship.

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I have found that most men crave for deeper friendships. Wishing we had a friend whom we could call our brother. A person who had our back, and be there for us. A man whom knows everything about you, and you with them. Recently on netflix the movie, The Old Guard aired. Many people wrote in regarding the Gay male relationship. They were thrilled to see a gay couple portrayed as super hero’s and were impressed with the deepness in their relationship. Now why can’t friendships with men be this deep? Can you imagine having a friend who says you are like a solid foundation in my life. I know you will always be there for me. You help me out of darkness when I’m down. Your kindness touches me. I know you love me deeply, and we will be friends for the rest of our lives. Can we love a friend beyond measure and reason?

One man when asked if he had friends proclaimed that he did. I asked him if any of these friends knew the difficulty he was having connecting with his spouse? He said no, but that they were still good friends. The next week he questioned how close the friends were. He shared while playing baseball, he slid into a base and injured his leg. His leg was covered in blood. He was obviously injured, and in pain, but he said his friends took one look at him and said, ” come on you wimp get up, lets play ball” He told me the pain was so intense he doubted getting off the field without help. He then understood what I was talking about regarding true friendship. He said, he wished that he had friends that could have recognized he was in pain, and helped him off the field.

Many societal norms keep men from true brotherhood. I once asked several men how long does it take you to call back a friend after he calls you. Most answered two to three days. They admitted it took days because of not wanting look “too needy”. They admitted feeling touched that the friend had reached out.

Counselors who specialize in working with men will report that there is a deep sadness in most men, as a result of not being able to be their true selves, and be close with other men. During men retreats they get in touch with the deep sorrow and start to connect with men, only to return to a society that doesn’t allow deeper connections with men.

It’s time for a change. True Brotherhood is set up to give you a group of men who will be your friend, and allow you to express feelings. You will become one with us, and have men who have your backs. True masculinity is the combination of both your masculine and feminine sides. You will have the freedom to express yourself in a safe environment with men who have the same desires as yourself. Close connected friends, whom you will have for life. Contact True Brotherhood and get started today.